Dear Cancer: Get the F*ck Out!

This week was a really good week. Like a really, really good week. And yet somehow I’ve been struggling to find the words to describe how I’m feeling about it all.

I had my 5th infusion on Thursday — after a set of new scans. Two months ago, I had a PET scan, a brain MRI and a cardiac MRI. Before my infusion, I needed to repeat all 3 scans to see where everything was at in case we needed to adjust treatment.

Now make sure you’re sitting down for this, cause this is the good part. Everything is working and I continue to respond really, really well to treatment. Nothing “lit” up in the PET scan, and my cardiac MRI showed “significant improvement” of the tumor in my heart and lungs. “Significant improvement” is a phrase rarely used by radiologists, so this is really, really good news! The one in my heart isn't gone-zo quite yet, but he's shrinking. The ones in my lungs are so small, that my doctor says it’s possible they’re scar tissue and he doesn’t expect them to really shrink any further. Same thing applies to my brain MRI — that tumor went from about 1.4cm and now measures at about 3mm. I continue to be so amazed at the power of this treatment and how it’s worked so well for me.

I thought back and counted the little suckers inside my body and I had TEN (that we know of). • Brain • Lungs (x3) • Shoulder (x2) • Groin • Right Front Thigh • Back Left Thigh (Mom calls this one the “butt met” lol) • Heart

And these new scans showed that I have ONE left to shrink — and that’s the one in my heart. Take a moment and let that sink in. Because I still can’t believe it.

Here's what the brain guy looks like now vs. when I was originally diagnosed:

With all that said, as much as I want to shout my good news from the rooftop, if I’m being totally honest, I’m a little afraid. Putting it out all there makes it real and it almost feels like it’s too good to be true. For so long, it seemed like every appointment I had meant more bad news, followed by tears and tough conversations. And Thursday was all so good, it was quite shocking. As silly as it sounds, I still keep logging into my patient portal and reading my reports over and over again to make sure it's not all a dream.

We’re going for cure, so we’re not stopping yet. We’re planning on 12 infusions, so I’m almost halfway there. My scans got pushed out to every 3 months, so I don’t have to be shoved in a tube for a handful of hours until May.

Lauren surprised me and came to visit me for my infusion. She got me the most inappropriate swear word coloring book (naturally). I dedicated all of them to cancer, and thoroughly enjoyed coloring in it while I was getting treatment!